People have been reblogging my personal posts about Mikey like crazy and it makes my heart hurt. People have said things about how it makes them cry for a moment and how he is finally “cancer free” or “cured.” If that’s the case, we are 477 days cancer free.

That’s 477 days that a bubbling laughter has been missing from the world, a pair of hockey skates have remained untouched. That’s 477 goodnight hugs that haven’t been given and 477 family dinners with one chair abandoned.

For me it’s been 477 nights of tossing and turning, nightmares, and panic attacks. 477 days of questioning what I should have done differently to protect my baby brother. Days spent trying to convince myself that he still loves me even though I couldn’t save him like I promised I would, because I will never get to hear him say it.

This is not 477 days cancer free. This is 477 days still fighting to survive.

childhood cancer childhood cancer awareness pediatric cancer the truth moments cancer free surviving depression anxiety sibling of cancer bereavement hurting me personal reality real and raw

I’m not ignoring your questions, I’m sorry! I love you all! <3

I’ve been busy. Working about 40 hours a week, going to classes with my dad, taking care of things at home, and I’ve been not feeling well.. Scans are being scheduled. Please don’t hate me. I’m sorry!

jules feels like shit me

I am so incredibly proud of Tattoo Tom. We&#8217;ve nearly made it through the week and I am still glowing with excitement for Tom. He seriously ran 100 miles straight through. He ran for 31 hours and 30 minutes!! AND raised $86,030 for his foundation Stillbrave and Gabriella Miller&#8217;s Smashing Walnuts!! What they have the opportunity to do for kids fighting cancer now is going to be incredible, they&#8217;re going to change so many lives.

I am so incredibly proud of Tattoo Tom. We’ve nearly made it through the week and I am still glowing with excitement for Tom. He seriously ran 100 miles straight through. He ran for 31 hours and 30 minutes!! AND raised $86,030 for his foundation Stillbrave and Gabriella Miller’s Smashing Walnuts!! What they have the opportunity to do for kids fighting cancer now is going to be incredible, they’re going to change so many lives.

tattoo tom stillbrave stillbrave childhood cancer foundation gabriella miller smashing walnuts 100 miler fundraiser 100 miles 100 miles for 100 kids mohican trail 100 talk is bullshit

tiaraloveskandlupita:

FUCK YOU CANCER ⤵

"Childhood cancers make up less than 1% of all cancers diagnosed each year. About 10,450 children in the United States under the age of 15 will be diagnosed with cancer in 2014. Childhood cancer rates have been rising slightly for the past few decades.
Because of major treatment advances in recent decades, more than 80% of children with cancer now survive 5 years or more. Overall, this is a huge increase since the mid-1970s, when the 5-year survival rate was about 60%. Still, survival rates vary depending on the type of cancer and other factors. Survival rates for different cancer types are listed in the section, “Surviving childhood cancer.”
Cancer is the second leading cause of death in children (after accidents). About 1,350 children younger than 15 years old are expected to die from cancer in 2014.” (x)

tiaraloveskandlupita:

FUCK YOU CANCER ⤵

"Childhood cancers make up less than 1% of all cancers diagnosed each year. About 10,450 children in the United States under the age of 15 will be diagnosed with cancer in 2014. Childhood cancer rates have been rising slightly for the past few decades.

Because of major treatment advances in recent decades, more than 80% of children with cancer now survive 5 years or more. Overall, this is a huge increase since the mid-1970s, when the 5-year survival rate was about 60%. Still, survival rates vary depending on the type of cancer and other factors. Survival rates for different cancer types are listed in the section, “Surviving childhood cancer.”

Cancer is the second leading cause of death in children (after accidents). About 1,350 children younger than 15 years old are expected to die from cancer in 2014.” (x)

Anonymous asked:

What's the most attainable thing you want in life, besides a cure for childhood cancer? What does Jules want?

Don't Forget. Answer:

You were clever to use the word “attainable” or I would answer my Mikey, but I suppose that’s why you did that.

I want to feel as light like a breeze on a warm summer day. I want to feel like the air is fresh in my lungs and there are no cement blocks on my chest when take each breath. I want to feel peace in myself. I want to know that this darkness will end, that one day I will feel hopeful again.

I wish it was me inside that grave instead of him. This doesn’t make sense, this is wrong, he is supposed to turn 11 today. He’s supposed to grow up. He’s supposed to learn how to drive, go to prom, play hockey through school. No, he’s supposed to play in the NHL, for the Boston Bruins, wear black and gold proudly. He’s supposed to give me piggy back rides to make up for all of the ones I’ve given him. This isn’t right. He’s supposed to grow up. I wish it was me instead in that grave.

panic panic attack anxiety depression death i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm not strong i wish you were here i wish i was dead me

I’ve never had this many messages before. I am a tiny bit overwhelmed by it, not going to lie. I am going to try to answer them all as soon as I can, but I think I need to get out for a bit. I feel heavy today, the kind of heavy that missing someone will cause. Not the kind of missing someone when you know you’ll see them again after three months of summer holiday, the kind of missing someone when you will never be able to touch or smell or hear their laughter again and you stare at pictures hoping they will bring these memories back, but they don’t. I feel so heavy. I need to go do something for Mikey, he deserves that.

moments me depression grief grieving i feel heavy sadness rambling

Anonymous asked:

I don't understand why people are using childhood cancer awareness posts and turning them into ways to raise awareness for other diseases. Each disease is just as important, and people should respect that and not try to distract attention from these causes. As someone who has survived 3 separate cases of childhood cancer, I feel disrespected when someone tries to use a cause I am passionate about to distract from the matter at hand.

Don't Forget. Answer:

You have absolutely every right to feel like you are being disrespected, you are being disrespected. I feel and am being disrespected too, our whole childhood cancer community is being disrespected by the people who choose to do this and I wish more than anything I could make them understand how that makes me feel, makes you feel especially.

I feel exactly as you do, that every disease and its awareness is equally important and necessary and people should respect that. We are all fighting for better awareness, funding, and treatments; but I don’t think we’ll ever get there if we take attention away from each other. We should be celebrating and supporting each other when one group starts a large and successful campaign or gets more funding.

Also, happy super late National Cancer Survivors Day! Keep thriving, hon, and thank you for being so passionate about such an important cause. We’re going to make a difference together. <3